The Leadership Leap: Shifting From Peer to Manager

A few years ago, I was promoted into a management role overseeing former peers. I’d been in supervisory positions before but never for a team I used to sit on. You can imagine that from a personal perspective I was excited about the change and motivated to do well, but from a team dynamics perspective I was anxious about how to navigate the change in our relationship. I’m happy to report that while it was awkward at times, it was a positive and affirming experience. It became a transition that required setting boundaries to maintain both professional effectiveness and positive working relationships, but also a life-lesson in what to avoid along the way.

Lesson 1 – Relationships Will Look Different

A shift in dynamic is the most fundamental change that comes when you switch from peer to manager. Assuming the relationship will remain the same can lead to confusion and conflict. You are no longer JUST a colleague — you are now responsible for their performance, guidance, and potentially their career growth. This inherently creates a power dynamic that didn't exist before. Some awkwardness during this initial transition is expected. They might feel unsure how to interact with you and you might feel uncomfortable exercising authority. The best way to overcome this is to acknowledge the change openly. Don’t pretend things are the same. To overcome this, I had direct conversations with each former peer individually to acknowledge the transition and discuss how our working relationship would need to evolve. While it may feel uncomfortable, having a frank conversation with your team about the change in your relationship dynamics levels the playing field. You know what their concerns are, and you can shift your management response to accommodate or field those concerns.

Lesson 2 – Avoid Favoritism

During those initial conversations one former peer expressed the loss of their "vent buddy”. We talked about how sharing frustrations and exchanging stories would need to take on a different tone. As a manager, I had access to information that my team members didn’t, including performance reviews, salary discussions, and strategic decisions. I couldn’t share everything that was going on like I used to, and they couldn’t gossip about peers and management to me.  My own manager advised me to still be approachable and maintain positive relationships but avoid giving preferential treatment to former friends. Setting this expectation early on helped us acknowledge that there would be change but we were aligned in how to manage it. I didn’t actually lose a friend, our relationship just took on a different tone.

Lesson 3 – Shift from Peer to Coach

In this new role it was important for me to be mindful of my interactions. I began to consciously shift my focus from being a peer to being a supportive manager. I still helped my team members navigate their challenges, but instead of commiserating I focused on developing their skills and celebrating their successes. A concept I found very helpful was "question thinking”. Question thinking refers to the practice of intentionally and strategically using questions to shape thoughts, behaviors, and outcomes. Instead of leading people to what you would do, you approach the situation from a place of curiosity and ask questions. As their manager, it wasn’t my role to fix problems, but rather allow my team to grow and fix their own problems with my support and backing. This was my shift from peer to coach.

Lesson 4 – Performance Management is Required

While you may have a history with this person, addressing performance issues is a crucial part of your responsibility. Don’t be afraid to manage underperformance. You need to succeed in your role just as much as they need to succeed in theirs. It will inherently always be a little uncomfortable. But discomfort is often a pre-requisite for growth. Actively providing regular feedback and open communication took some getting used to and required me to compartmentalize my own empathetic tendencies. In the end, however, this helped me avoid what could have appeared to be preferential treatment and shifted the focus on professional performance expectations instead of our relationship.

Lesson 5 – Choose How to Lead

You may be tempted to overcompensate the awkwardness by acting like a "big boss”. But trust me, an overly authoritarian approach could lead to resentment and damage relationships. Trust your instincts - the few times I pushed through awkwardness a little too far made me feel like I was giving orders rather than guiding and supporting my team. I was met with resistance and a positive outcome took longer than it needed to. The best step I took in this situation was to connect with other managers within the organization. They offered guidance and understanding as I navigated this new normal. Honestly, difficult conversations are never going to be my favorite part of this role, but transparency and directness helps the experience be more positive for everyone involved.

The transition from peer to manager is a delicate balancing act. But it is possible. Be mindful of the changing dynamics, set clear boundaries, and focus on leading your team effectively and fairly. If you do this, you can navigate this shift successfully and maintain positive working relationships.

Written by: Holly Gough