Three Seconds of Courage

How small brave steps help us build confidence, joy, and trust in ourselves

People often tell me I’m brave, which I find interesting because I don’t really see it that way. I have plenty of fears, and I think fear is both normal and healthy. I just try not to let it keep me from doing the things I want to do.

In my twenties, like many people, I struggled with confidence and figuring out what I wanted. At the time, it felt deeply personal, even though I now know it’s universal. I worked on my career skills, built an amazing support network, and even committed to going to the gym. One day, while on the treadmill listening to Taylor Swift as loudly as possible and seriously regretting leaving my comfy couch, the idea came to me: What if courage is a muscle, not an inherent trait? And if it’s a muscle, maybe it can be built by exercising it. That felt logical to me—and, conveniently, like a great excuse to go home and write notes instead of jogging to nowhere.

I started a 'Brave List' by listing things that scared me. Some were broad, like heights and snakes. Others were oddly specific: fairground Ferris wheels, riding a motorcycle, trying spicy food. For the vague ones, I broke them down into smaller steps. 'Stop being afraid of heights' wasn’t helpful, but 'stand near an overlook with a railing,' 'ride a roller coaster,' or 'go hike somewhere with a view' felt doable. Then I decided I would check off one every month until it was complete. I’ve missed some months, and my list is constantly evolving, but that’s okay. For me, it’s about the journey, not just the end result.

Some challenges were more personal: having difficult conversations, letting people see my true self, trusting my work, and owning the unique perspective I bring. Those have taken the longest—and a few are still in progress—but they have also been the most meaningful. The more open I am to new experiences, the more I learn, grow, and build confidence.

Since starting the list, I’ve ridden roller coasters, traveled to Europe, taken a solo trip, visited Niagara Falls, and set a goal to hike to all 240 waterfalls in Oregon. I’ve tried different foods and learned that I actually love new experiences. For someone who used to order the same thing at a restaurant every time, that has been a game changer.

This weekend, my sister and I drove two hours to a waterpark just to slide down waterslides built around a plane on a roof. No, I am not making this up. As I waited in line, I could feel the anxiety set in, especially in the crowd on the high platform. But because I had practiced courage in smaller ways before, I could remind myself I was going to be fine. Sliding down that waterslide was so much fun and brought back some of that unbridled childhood joy. Really, who doesn’t need more joy?

I ride horses and help coach teen equestrian athletes, many of whom are fearful—and rightly so. I often ask them, “Can you give me three seconds of courage?” Three seconds is enough time to swing a leg over a horse, slide down a waterslide, or raise your hand in a meeting. Sometimes they discover the fear wasn’t as big as it felt, and they want to try again. Sometimes three seconds is enough, and they’re done for the day. That’s okay. We celebrate the try and aim for four seconds next time. Courage is built slowly, and the try is the most important part.

I haven’t loved every try. I will probably always be afraid of heights, but I once took the glass elevator up the CN Tower in Toronto—1,465 feet high—and stood on the glass floor for three seconds. That was plenty for me. The view was spectacular, but I don’t need to do it again anytime soon. I’ve also decided that some fears can stay. Turns out, I don’t want to pet a snake, and I’m perfectly fine leaving that one on the list forever.

The point was never to become fearless; it was to learn to be open to new adventures, trust myself, and take calculated risks when the reward is worth it. Your Brave List doesn’t have to be big, dramatic, or impressive. In fact, I’ve found the most value in the little things: traveling alone and meeting new friends, spending some of my favorite days with friends and family, and watching a student who was afraid to go faster on her horse discover that she loves a little run to clear her mind on stressful days.

John Wayne said it best: "Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” So here’s to three seconds of courage—and everything those three seconds can open up.

Written by: Nicole Joli